I just saw a hot homeless man
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
