It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
