Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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