you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
