I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
