I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
