This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
