Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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