True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
