at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
