i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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