I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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