So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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