i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
