i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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