bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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