I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
