I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
