thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
