I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
