I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
