This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
