My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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