I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
