theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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