I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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