can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
