can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
