you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
