This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
