Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
