those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
