My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
