i jhust puked up my retainher.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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