I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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