u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
