Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
