how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
