She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
