I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
