I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
