I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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