We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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