I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
