i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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