Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
