if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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