I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I died a long time ago.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
