Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I supernannyed him into submission
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
