i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
