to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
