1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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