just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
