Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
